The Art of Smart Defense

     When I was younger, heck, who am I kidding, even now that I'm mostly grown, I was/am an extremely passive person.  I was told the following phrase when I was younger from someone (and if they read this they will instantly know it was them, *wink wink*) and please, pardon the language, "You wouldn't say s*^t if you had a mouth full of it."  Yup, that pretty much summed up my personal defense skills to a "T".  I remember thinking, first of all, that was the grossest thing I'd ever heard, and two, it was very accurate.  I was a doormat for quite a few people. Walked all over because I was too nice, made fun of, poked fun toward, and yes, mostly right in front of me.  You know how some people can be, they want to impress someone or appear funny so it's aimed at your expense since hey, let's face it, you'll just stand there and take it.  But with my mentality, I just shrugged it off because I knew they were only trying to be "cool" and in my mind it was immature.  Less I digress and I really don't need to go back to aspects of childhood right now.  I was always better at standing up for others than for myself.  I have no idea why, it was just easier I guess.  I've never really experienced such an emotion as being aggressive or outspoken.  And why would I?  It wasn't in my nature.  But let me tell you, and many parents/caregivers, etc., will most certainly agree; it doesn't matter if you're the aggressive type, passive, quiet, reserved, don't give a hoot what anyone thinks; someone, anyone is rude or degrading to your babies, you go from zero to Incredible Hulk in point two seconds.  And I'm letting little bits of my Hulk out more and more lately.  Scared?  Boy, I know I am.

     Miss G is a social butterfly; she's sweet, friendly, calls kids she just meets her "best friends".  It makes my heart swell, truly.  For a little person to be so affectionate, it just blows me away.  I know where she gets her compassion from- moi.  As for the outgoing-side of her?  That is all her father.  (I was shy and passive, remember?)  Now that the temps have risen and the sun is shining in all it's glory, we are going to the park more often.  AKA, everyday.  Miss G of course desires to play with other little girls, because well, the only other kid around is her little brother.  She will actually chase girls around calling out, "Wait up, friend!"  And usually they run from her.  It honestly breaks my heart into a million pieces to where I want to physically hold those girls down and yell, "Would it kill you to let her play?!"  But, I restrain myself and nicely call out, "Sweet-Pea, why don't you come play with Mommy and Brover?"  The girl is resilient though, I must give her that. 

     So anywho...the last time we were at the park, I was with Li'l B at a slide and Miss G had asked a little girl if she could play and the little girl said yes.  (I did a fist-pump in my head.)  After about fifteen minutes or so of Miss G being fine enough to play with, the little girl's friend shows up and they start running away from my daughter; hiding on top of structures, laughing and pointing as they see her looking for them.  I, naturally, start feeling like I'm on fire.  Miss G finds them at one point and they again start running from her and she of course follows.  I hear the one bleach-blonde girl turn and yell, "STOP FOLLOWING US!"  The look on my beautiful, innocent, lovely daughter's face.....I can't even visualize it without my eyes misting up.  She was truly hurt down to her very core, and confused.  I will admit here that I held my tongue no longer.  I did not speak directly to the girls, but turned in their direction as I spoke to Miss G (very loudly) about not having to take little girls' rudeness and how she was fine to play with until someone else came along.  After that, the two girls kept eyeing me and I glared right back. 

     On our walk home, I tried telling her to stick up for herself and to not let others make her feel inferior.  Then I had to describe inferior because, well, she's three.  One of my exact sentences was, "Sweetie, have a voice.  Please don't sit back and let others make you feel bad.  Mommy never stuck up for herself, but know that I will always stick up for you.  I want you to be better than mommy was when she was little.  I want you to be strong, but smart about it too."  Then we went into nice ways to tell people if they are being rude or hurtful.  While chatting with her, it hit me.  She is three.  It deeply saddened me to even have this type of conversation with her so early in the game, but I realized it was necessary.

     It's funny what person you turn into when you have a child.  Personally, I went from extremely passive to Momma Bear in the blink of an eye.  These are my babies and no one, I mean no one, better make them feel an ounce of hurt or sadness.  At the same time, I also need to realize that it is inevitable that at some point, they will.  It is our job as their guides, protectors, mentors, to show them what they can do to resolve the problem, but not add to it by mirroring others' negative attitudes.  From the beginning of time, some kids have been just plain cruel; we've all either been a target or been the bully.  With bullying being a hot topic lately, all I could envision was these three girls grown and in high school; the two throwing their hair back and laughing, my daughter slinking her shoulders and hiding her face out of embarrassment. 

     I may not have the capability to travel back in time and slap myself into speaking up, but I sure as heck can speak up for my children and show them the proper way to react; how I wish I would've reacted so long ago.  The meek-era will end with myself.  It's a new era for my children.  Smart and Strong.  Strong and Smart.

    

                                                               

                                                               Miss G and Li'l B