I was surprised really. I thought there would be lots of tears, constant hugging, grabbing onto ankles while crying out, "Don't leave me!" But no. I was brave. Miss G had been so excited about starting preschool and I for sure thought, "Yeah, until the day of, then we shall see." There were no tears, lots of hugging though (I just couldn't let her go, give me a break!), and strong smiles to cover up the heartache. Okay, it was mainly myself that I was worried about because I realized one day that she is already a very strong, independent child, and while I'm extremely proud, it still scares the sh*t outta me! Aren't I needed anymore? Aren't I wanted? It's just that easy to turn and walk away with a wave over her shoulder? Oh the humanity!
Her little brother and I walked her into the building, G excitedly holding onto the straps of her book bag, eyes wide and full of excitement, big smile plastered on her face. I held out my hand for her to grab and she politely said, "No mommy, I don't need to hold your hand, I want to hold onto my book bag." I just looked down at her, bewildered, as if someone had come up and sucker-punched me in the stomach. She proudly looked straight ahead, not noticing my shocked face. "O-kay," I said slowly and held onto Li'l B a little tighter. We got to her classroom and I thought, "Alright, this is where she'll realize what is going to happen. That her brother and I will be leaving." But instead, she ran right in, said hello to her teacher and started playing with the toys. Her brother also slid out of my arms and ran off. As we were leaving, G ran up to me and said, "Bye, mommy. I'll miss you." And gave me a big hug. I told her to be good, gave her a kiss, and picked Li'l B up (after prying him off of her. We both had a tough time leaving). He and I made our way from the room and as we were started down the hall I heard G's voice yelling, "Mommy! Mommy!" I turned around, ready for her to come running, crying out, "Don't leave!" But instead she had Li'l B's blanket that he had forgotten in the classroom. "Here mommy, B forgot this and I knew he would want it." And just like that, she turned and ran back to her classroom. I gave Li'l B another big squeeze.
When we went to pick her up, I asked her teacher how she'd been. I fretted over her not getting her way and throwing a tantrum or that she had transformed into Miss Bossy-Pants. Her teacher told me that my Miss G was most likely going to be her special helper as she is so "motherly". A little boy in her class was crying after his parents left and G walked over to him, attempted to put her arm around him, and sang him a song about how "grown-ups come back". Her teacher was extremely impressed, as was I. I've seen how she can be with her brother but to go up to a boy she just met and try to console him, my heart swelled 5 sizes with pride. I then realized again just how grown-up she was; no longer a toddler, void of how others feel, but a little girl filled with so much compassion and a caring spirit. She did not need me to remind her to be nice or considerate, she stepped up without hesitation, and I couldn't be more impressed.
Whenever we leave our little ones (pretty much) to their own devices, without us around to guide them, or hover, they're really interchangeable, we wonder, "Are they making the right choices? Are they behaving like civilized human beings? What have I unleashed into the world?" Everyday, and I'm aware I've said this before, I realize that they truly are watching our example, not just listening to the words we're spitting out at them. They are learning compassion, sincerity, leadership, grace. I know there will be misunderstandings, tantrums, anger issues, etc., but her first day truly exceeded my expectations. And my own actually, for I absolutely thought I would bawl like a baby. I guess that comes when Li'l B starts school because he is the last. And you know what? She can't wait to go back. She has asked every hour, everyday and she only goes two days a week. (I better emotionally prepare myself again...this is exhausting!)
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