I Can't Help It

     If you are in the vicinity of me at a playground, you will hear me before you even lay eyes on me. You will hear my voice over all the other background noise. Oh, it will come through loud and clear. For a second, you may even think that someone has knocked a needle off of a record ---why on Earth would a record player be at a playground? That's just silliness....Back on point! --- or that a song is on repeat. But no. No, no, no....it is just little ol' me. Yep, just me saying, "Be careful, okay, slow down, be careful, hold on tight, don't slip, be careful, okay, slow down, be careful...." You get the point. And you know what?

I can't help it.

     And don't worry, I can already see you smirking as you sit, reclined back on the bench, looking so relaxed, watching your child play. Good for you!  And I'll notice as you lean over to your mom friend and whisper, "Helicopter-Mom Alert."  And you both have a nice giggle. I'll politely smile at you, and promptly go back to reminding repeatedly, I mean, watching my children. Do you know what I'm thinking at that moment? I'm so jealous of them.  Jealous, you say?  Yes.  Jealous that you can relax. Jealous that you are reading a book, or playing a game on your phone, taking time for you. That is awesome and I applaud you! I would give anything for a single ounce of that. The way I am wired makes it so that I cannot physically or mentally relax. And you know why?

I can't help it.

     I actually despise the phrase, 'Helicopter Mom', if I'm to be completely honest.  I've been known to refer to myself as that, because I hear it so much. It used to just be called, 'Overprotective'. Simpler days I guess, when it was okay to be neurotic. Kidding! I'm ((kind of)) kidding....  Anyway.... 

Yes, I am an overprotective mother. I come from a long line of overprotective mothers and looking back on it, there is nothing wrong with it. Unless you're the innocent child, of course. My grandmother used to tell me that I couldn't ride my bike around the corner, "because I can't see you."  (She lived one house away from the corner.)  I'd roll my eyes, agree, and huff off on my bike, thinking the whole time just how unfair she was. (To my mother and grandmother, I wholeheartedly apologize. I get it, and I am one of you now.) I'd say to myself, "I'll never be that way with my kids." Whoops!  Sorry about that kids!  Miss G went riding her bike down our hill the other day, and the words, I kid you not, came out of my mouth: "Don't ride around the corner.  I can't see you."  Oh hell, it has happened, the metamorphosis  is complete.  My husband turned to me and said, "I told her she could go around the corner."  I swear he grew three heads by the way I was eyeing him. Anyway..... you see, some of this is just in our DNA, or the way we grew up. I try to be relaxed, I really do, but you know what?

I can't help it.

      Yes, some of us hover for fear that our babies will topple off of a slide, while others like to let their children explore and if they fall, they learn to pick themselves back up. Neither is wrong and neither is better. We are all our own types of parents and we're all doing our best. Whatever parenting style you do is by far the best one if your kids are happy and safe.  

I'm an Overprotective Mom, and if you could feel my anxiety, see all of the worst case scenarios race through my head any given day, you'd understand a little better why some moms (or dads) hover.  I have actually asked my husband, "Why am I this way?  Why does my mind automatically go the worst thing that could possibly happen?  I work myself up before the kids can even step foot out of the door."  And if my kids are running around with cousins or friends and I'm out of view talking with other adults, you better believe that one ear is perked up, listening for any crying, or worse, silence.  I do very well at seeming like I'm paying attention to someone talking, and for the most part I hear everything they say because that's rude not to pay attention, but one part of my mind will not shut down. It is supercharged and honed in. I just....

I can't help it.

     I've seen and heard far too much 'Mommy-Shaming' lately. I wanted to give you all a clearer insight into one type of mother, a small crash course if you will, since it is the only one I know how to be and know way too much about: Overprotective, Helicopter, Needs to Cut the Umbilical Cord, It Must Be Exhausting- type of mom. And yes, it is exhausting. I can't escape the thoughts in my head, and believe me, I'd love to.  I can't outrun the urge to put my arms up when my kids are climbing on playground equipment.  

Some days, I will let my kids run and climb the dome at our park. They try to climb so high, and I will sometimes force myself to stay where I am, at a distance, and just watch.  I will stop myself when I feel the need to yell, "Be careful!"  I cross my arms so that I do not run over to reach for a leg that has slipped through. It's baby steps for me. I've become a little more relaxed with Miss G, but Li'l B is still a baby to me, and it will take just a little more time. Hopefully he can learn patience....and I'm referring to with me. Someday, they may look back and I hope they realize that...

I couldn't help it.

     Maybe the next time you see a mom out who seems to be a little nervous, running here and there, repeating herself, arms outstretched, just give her a smile. If you see her race to her child who has tripped and stumbled, just give her a nod. She's not purposefully trying to 'baby' her child, she's merely doing what her mind and instincts are willing her to do. Rather than laugh at or tear each down for our different parenting styles, let's embrace and lift each other up. And if it's me you see at the park, well, Heaven help you, you may need to go to another park before I drive you insane.  No, I'm ((kind of)) kidding. Just please know that deep down, I'm trying to relax. In so many more ways than you can even realize. I'm trying to step away.  I'm not trying to hover over my kids.  But also remember - 

I can't help it.