Can't Never Could

     "I just want to become a child's favorite story," I told my husband.  "I'm not doing this to make millions of dollars or for fame. Sure, I'd love for it to pay some bills, but just the act of telling a story and having a child request my book to be read over and over, it blankets me in a feeling I can't describe.  It's a passion, a calling."
      His response, "Then do it."



     My husband.  I truly have never met anyone like him.  Knowing that I've always wanted to be a writer, (which is why I received a B.A. in English that no one asks for) he says to me, "Just think, when the kids start school, you can stay home and write. There'll be peace and quiet, and you'll really be able to concentrate, research, and write."  I laughed, thinking he was joking.  Nope.  He was serious.  I said, "Wouldn't you rather me get a job, preferably one that consistently pays?" 
     He replied, "If writing is what you want to do, then you should do it."
     Nobody needs to tell me how lucky I am, I've realized it on multiple occasions. 

     When I thought of being a writer, novels were the first things to come to mind.  Children's books were not even in the picture.  I told my husband this and he said, "Your priorities changed.  You write your children's books now, and when you have more time, you focus on those novels." 
     "What if I stay home, write my books, and nothing ever comes of it?" I challenged back.
       He looked me right in the eye and said, "Well it won't if you go into it thinking that way."  He had a point.  Where else had I heard that similar phrase?  Oh yeah, my parents. 

     That's the scary thing though for people who are putting themselves out into the world in a very raw way; you're setting yourself up for ridicule, judgment, the crushing of dreams, and very real failure.  But first, you have to muster up the strength and courage and put yourself out there.

   I received my first rejection via email today from an agent.  I'll admit, it stung, and they were actually pleasant about it.  It's like someone saying, "Your kid's just not good enough."  Because that's what an edited manuscript feels like; your baby.  But something else occurred to me.  How many of The Greats were turned down by agents?  It's not going to happen overnight.  I am excited for this work to be in the hands of children; the cover and pages being worn and torn from repeated readings. "Just once more, mommy, pllleeeease!"  This book being taken on road trips, shoved under the arm of a child, right along with their favorite blanket.  Knowing that there are squeals of laughter at all the funny parts.  That's the vision I need to keep with me, not the rejections or possible failure.  You only truly fail if you never try. 

 I keep hearing my dad's voice saying, "Can't never could."  And it used to drive me mad when he would say it.  But he was and is still right.  And I'm not "Can't".

 I just want to become a favorite story.